Motherhood. Something I always wanted to experience. I was in such a rush to become apart of this world but no one ever told me how lonely it could be. No one ever shared the struggle of emotions and some days just wanting to throw in the towel or the feelings of not being good enough. No one ever shared how awful it feels for your child to tell you she hates you or having a child who makes you feel like no matter what you do your never good enough for her. No one ever shared the lonely nights up crying wondering if you did a good enough job today or thinking about what you could have done differently. Regretting losing your shit on numerous occasions because no one hears you till you have to lose your shit. You look around and the house is a mess. You can’t keep up with it all. Am I really fit for this job I ask myself on a daily basis. The days of friends coming by to hang out and check up on you are over. Were all to busy trying to do this Mom thing right. Is there even a right way?
Motherhood is lonely. The loneliness is a constant struggle for me. Some days harder than others. Today is one of those days.